Its finally time that moves are made to take the next step in life, Marriage.

I have a whole lot of views from myself that i wish to concur & it's getting me into a lot of trouble. Here's how it started.


I wanted to go on a holiday with my bf and his mother & sister+son. As Muslims, ladies cannot go out with men who aren't their muhrims. And as ladies who aren't married, all our sins are being carried by our fathers.

As a young and adventure seeking girl, i jumped upon this oppurtunity to expose myself to other countries. How jealous was i to be hearing everyone going for their holidays to God knows where and bringing home a keychain(if i'm lucky) or just sweets to taste. I wanted my own stories to tell.

Without further thinking, i bought my tickets.


And then it started.


My elder brother told me to get engaged before going. Are you absurd?! How can we get engaged in 4 months time!? Both of us weren't ready.

I thought he was joking. Until my Eldest Aunt stepped in. Gosh was i in trouble!


She told me nicely to talk to him(bf) to get engaged before the trip so that people will not talk behind our backs should we bump into them in any place. In Islam, if we 'allowed' people or give chances for people to talk behind our backs, we will be responsible for their sins, thus, carrying their sins along with ours.

I was against it. Reason: there were 2 other mahrams following the journey. So how could it be wrong?

They insisted. I resisted.

I cried, for days, everytime i thought about ot. Because i needed the break. So while figuring things out with my bf, i booked 2 trips with my girlfriends consequtively to fill my desires of wanting to travel. Though near, atleast i was going somewhere.

Discussions after discussions. Tears day and night. Sometimes i felt like swallowing pills just to drown my thoughts.

Why?

Question after question.

It was easy to get engaged. So why choose a far away date? Plus, why can't it be early? Is finances the only reason he wasn't ready? I was devastated.

My family had their conditions and all for the engagement. They wanted the dowry, not just the Mahr. They wanted payments between both sides to be equal. After all my plans, it felt like everythong just got washed down the drain. I felt like i wanted to die.

I hated that the one person i thought i could trust with maturity & secrecy betrayed me. Not having my mom was already hard enough. I need listening ears but all i got were opinions and confusion, not forgetting anger and hate.

So i struggled until i realised i was in an all lose situation. I couldn't get my trip, let alone my money. I had to wait longer for the engagement. I had to accept the dowry which is quite burdenful to my eyes.


I lost in this battle of trying to plan for my own happiness.
I forgot that, all we can do is plan and only He will gives us the definite Yes or No answer to proceed.

While i lost big wishes, at least i gained some small ones.
Instead of 1 expensive trip, i planned and confirmed 2 trips with my bestest girl friends.
Instead of waiting till Godknowswhen, i now only have to wait for Eid for my engagement.
Instead wondering about my marriage preparations fate, i now know that i need to prepare for the most traditional kind.

And i learnt that i must let go of authoritivity to the elders as they know much better. I need to give them the respect they deserve as elders and show them that i too can handle things my own(the ones that i can take up) so that they trust me.

Allah works in the most wonderful ways and i must say, everything is falling in the right places. Syukur Alhamdulillah. In shaa Allah, May this journey be a smoothsailing one. Ameen Ya Rabbal Aalaamiin.