Every change in the weather can change what you'll be doing next. every change in life will drive you to a different path, though, the same goal. you can't be cutting the field on the stormy weather, you can't be walking barenaked on a super sunny day.
never knew what my goal in life really was/is. i'm still searching for that one thing that makes me trully happy and calm on the inside. apart from satisfaction, i just want to smile whenever i think of that one thing. have you found yours yet?
its too early in life to know exactly who i'm gg to live with, where i'll stay and how i'm going to pay for my life. though i'm just 20, i feel like i'm 30. working so hard, day and night, trying to earn as much to provide my family with enough so that there'll be food on the table. work has just put me onto a whole new level. my plan of working at ease for 1 or 2 years has obviously failed. i suppose anything can happen if i take one day at a time.
i bumped into raider and siti sahuria at Expo. gosh! i miss my girls!!! omg. its been so long since i met them and i really have to meet them coz they are the only people who can make me forget about work and just have fun and laugh. i cant wait for the upcoming event. i wanna take a day off for them. can i please have a day for me and my girls please! i hope work dont get in the way. pleasepleaseplease.
gosh, thinking about work is so scary! i just want to shiver under my blanket whenever it comes to mind. i can't wait for my time offs and really, i need some. i bet the rest of my colleagues need theirs too. i pity these people.
AHHHH. HOLIDAYS. make me smile, would you?
days over at expo was buzzing with people. membingitkan. i got for myself new earpieces, lovely ones, and a laptop cooler. -_-" swain got himself a computer, at long last. i bet he'll love his time online once his comp comes home.
nak comp jugak lah..
i want an itouch please. if not, an ipod will do. pleaseee.
anyway, lets storytell...
on the 12th nov, rozz and shan gave me a call and invited me to watch 2012! i was thrilled and just happy. i can never be a dj coz i guess i'll mumble to myself. hurhur. thing was, mada asked swain n i out for 2012 on sunday. so i watched 2012 twice! sunday and monday. sad life but i love the company. on sunday, with swain and mada. food and drinks were on us since she paid the last time for sushi. we had an ala carte dinner, and enjoyed food in the theatre. =DD
on monday, i had a date out with siti sahuria for movie with shan and rozz. i was just so shy to meet them but it wasnt much of a biggie since they were "okay lets go, okay good movie, okay bye". but a night out with siti relived my spirits coz we could talk from start till end about everything! i miss talking with a gf and having her that night was superb. what more, we were heading for the same place since we live side by side. i love siti!!! miss the primary school days and GODDD has she lost weight!!! she's waayyyy thinner than me!!! omg. hahaaaa. i miss herr.
i bumped into raider at the Sitex yesterday. SHE GOT HERSELF A MACBOOK FOR GOODNESS SAKE!! what lucky girl. i'm jealous!! hmphhh. tengok laahhh, kawan2 aku da dapatkan diri dorg something from the i-store. aku? blm. lembab betol lah aku. tapi takpe. aku nak yang paling latest. heh heh heh.
i've been on the rough patch lately with swain and i really would want my off days somedays. its tough to go through both rough patches from work to him and then off to family.. i cant catch up on all three. so much is in my mind. i dread going to work, as always. but i hate it when i dread going home or dread having to face him. cause they are the most important people who i can rely on making my days a good one or not. grrr! and i choose people whom i want to tell this to and right now, i don't know who the hell i want to share this to. coz sometimes, i feel its a burden to them to listen. and most of the time, i just dont want to talk it out. only certain people can dig them out and i don't want the wrong people to just know everything about me. its like and invasion to my privacy.
i feel so uneasy. why?
You can go
You can start all over again
You can try to find a way to make another day go by
You can hide
Hold all your feelings inside
You can try to carry on when all you wanna do is cry
Maybe someday well figure all this out
Try to put an end to all our doubt
Try to find a way to make things better now
And maybe someday
Well live our lives out loud
Well be better off somehow
Someday
Now wait
Try to find another mistake
If you throw it all away
Then maybe you can chance you mind
You can run
And when everything is over and done
You can shine a little light on everything around you
Man it's goof to be someone
I don't wanna wait
I just wanna know
I just wanna hear you tell me so
Give it to me straight
But tell it to me slow
Maybe someday
Well figure all this out
Well put an end to all our doubt
Try to find a way to just feel better now
Sometimes we don't really notice
Just how good it can get
So maybe we should start all over
Start all over again
i'm really drowning here. i can't tell what i want to do. i can't say what i really want to say. i don't like what i'm seeing but i just want to shut myself off of everything that i know. because, for what i've learnt right now, is, the more i know, the more i drown. i need to clear my mind. i need to let go of certain things. i want my life back. i don't want to live for someone else. i want to be selfish for awhile. i don't want to be doing something for someone. i want myself to be happy. i want myself to smile sincerely like how i did on thursday. it's been a long time since i was that happy. i hope i can be that happy tomorrow. everyone i know seems to be spoiling my days. even myself. i want to go out with someone i don't already know. i want to be introduced to someone new. i don't want jealousy to get in the way. i don't want anyone to know what i'm doing. i want to be my carefree self again.
i want to be alone. but i can't. maybe i'll do it. be alone for awhile. clear my thoughts. i'm a cup, filled and overflowed. i'm cracking up. help. :(