another piece of me written down....something happened yesterday that made me burst out of anger n frust. i even speaked d word 'benci'(hate) to my family members n ran out of d door...walked around d neighbourhood...suck up man.....everything just suck so much ever since i got home from my cousin's hse...its like i wanna go back there n nvr come back...n coz of that, i slept throughout d evening, not waking up for maghrib prayers even after my mom had sprayed water onto my face...heard my mom saying "i love u" to my lil bro....she'd nvr done that to me before...instead, she criticised me when i woke up....took 4 tabs of pills eventhough i wasnt suppose to take so much...n after that..i was in my mood of coldness n quietness....didnt talk much at all...just 'spit' out some words before i went to bed...my bro wanted to watch 'Desperate hsewives'...asked me y i didnt chg d channel, so i answered "coz dad will scold if i chged"..HE ALWAYS DOES THAT n i'm sick of it...when d indon show finished, bro chged d channel hoping to watch DW but disappointingly finds out it's over....look how stuck up my dad is....always criticising what we wanted to watch...i went to bed after that...saying "abah kan slalu gitu, org nye crite tak kasi tgk" (dad is always liddat, other ppl's programmes he don't let us watch)....freak sia!....bloody fuck...i slept.....passing through Subuh....my mom n sis tried to wake me up but i simply refuse to wake up....she told my dad i was possesed by d devil....i know she'll regret saying that if it really happened....i just felt disgusted when my sis held my hand....EEEEEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWW....coz i HATE HER! i hate my family......i just kept wondering why i was born into this family....WHY WAS I BORN IN THE 1ST PLACE! oh ya....i know...coz my sis wanted a baby sister...she told my mom she would take care of d baby sister......BLOOODDY BULLSHIT i MUST vent out....coz she abused me intead of taking care of me......i guessed what, i thought the older ones have to help out at home? n what's this? Y AM I HELPING?! WITH NO THANK YOUs OR PRAISES....i feel like a slave......this is how i really feel.....i regret....somehow, a part of me says "i don't want to live my tomorrows, i don't want to have the feeling of success n hurt n all, i hope God will save me from all this...and take me into His hands soon..." i just regret....=(
another piece of me written down....
ahhhhhhhhhhhhh fucked up lahhhh.......i'm in a family i wish i wasn't in! regrets in appearing in this fucked up world...maybe its balanced but...the negativities are much more visible than the positivities....u should know what i mean......
haizz......sunday, my bro's engagement ceremony...i got ALL d scolding, none of the praising for helping....i got ALL the nagging, none of the rewarding by my makciks n pakciks...n guess what! d gifts we got from d other side got 'eaten up' by my overly-greedy cousins.....n especially when my mom is overly-generous, everything disappeared in less than 2 hrs....n I GOT SCOLDED FOR TAKING THE PICTURES OF THE GIFTS! AND WAS FORCED TO BE MULTI-TASKED! i mean, u cant be pouring drinks into glasses while washing d dishes right?!!!!!!!!!!! bloooody helll.....n for god sakes, its only an engagement...not a wedding yet...they don't have to go getting twice d amount of gifts for us n providing tables in front of d lifts for us to eat. its like WOW! haiz...i hate exaggerated stuffs....its so....braggy...
monday.....slept like a pig.....coz i was overly tired....
tuesday....went to ECP with peegeeey...had lunch at lagoon..den laze around at marine parade....she bought pretzels for sumone but too bad...d guy was scary...he whispered to mj "she's having a bad mood"....d she is d other pretzel lady....haiyooo....she was redy to give to to dat person...but dat person didnt like it...n d person was so MEAN to give her an insect! haizzzz....after that, waited for around 2 hrs for my cousins...ate at BANQUET!!!! i cudnt feed myself anymore so just had 3 pieces of Siew Mai....after that went shopping....they bought somany stuffs...my aunty wanted to buy me a cardigan...u know....d short one....n its long sleeved......so it'll be of gd use for me....BUT i refused....so in d end, they forced me to get a tshirt....a pink OP boarding tshirt...its like PINK...n i hate pink u know.....but...can lah....thanx anyway.....on the way home.....to their home of coz...i kept thinking...Y D HECK DID I REFUSE D OFFER!! haiz....they wanted to watch some show till late night....but i 'accidentally' fell asleep....hmmmm....
wednesday- MY UNCLE WOKE ME UP WITH A VERY LOUD AZAN(malay prayer ting)!! erm...after prayers...went back to sleep....woke up like 12 liddat...den had breakfast....my cuzzens had campbell soup..i had scrambled egg....but we mixed some stuffs around....hehehehe...watched 'Khabhi khushi khabhi gham'...nice loving show about a father loving his son....some advice abt "if you can't find the answer around you, just close your eyes n think of your parents...victory will be yours."-->this is useful if u have loving parents.....had homemade chicken rice for lunchafter that...we got ready to go out to cathay....took neos! hahax....new machine ate our money!!!!!!!! but everything was nice....i want to buy a slipper at rippies...after that we had dinner at LJS...scared d hell out of us when my aunty called saying she didnt have d keys to d house....HAIYOOO....went home n watched another hindu movie...kush2 kota hai? i think.......was forced to watch it kay.....slept at 2am.
thursday....wanted to go home...coz it was like none of my cuz's family members were at home...my cuzens had sch while their parents went to work as usual....THEY LEFT ME ALONE!!!! in d morning...i was wif Kak tijah....very quiet...barely talked to her....so scary...den she left me alone in d house.....a feeewwww minutes later(many mins later), d youngest one came home...khidir...he's much more frenlier....so we went out n bought lunch n some tidbits....ate.....after that he went water his neighbour's plants...a few mins later...my best cuzzy came home....YEAY....she complained that there was no more food....*guilty grin*...so we went to d interchg....btw, her house is at clementi...so....yarh....ahhh....bought tidbits n stuffs...this is to accompany us through d night....hehehe.....so, we went back home n got ready for d night....watched DIA.....didnt really concentrated coz they were distracting me...WITH QUESTIONS ABT D SHOW!!! waaaaahhhhh.........haiiiyooo....but at least i get to catch d show right?...after that we got ready to sleep....got ready with d snacks n switched on d tv...watched 'Main hoona' or sumting liddat....hmmmmmm....slept at 2 again....
friday- next morning, i woke up at 9...got ready to go home.....haiz....so sad....aunty gave me 10 bucks! top-up my wallet money..heheh.....d ride home by my uncle was like...OUCH! butt pain sia! clementi to bedok by a motorcycle....u know how long it is......after that, at home...just laze around.....watched Cinta Fotokopi again...more than 5 times readi....hahax...sweet show....after that met naj at int....den ran some errands....after that at home, i got a great! news...rai asked me out...to cycle at ECP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! yeay! so happy after that....weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
saturday- woke up early....bathed n all....got bad news from nad dat she cudnt make it...=(...met them( rai n weder) at int.....after that went to ECP n cycled from end to end....n we got a shock of our lives that
1) d xtra charge on the time that we took was over what we expected....
2) d locker that contained rai's blades cudnt be opened!
we searched n searched...gd thing we had enuf money to pay.....phew!
so we went to d toilet after waiting for so long for them to open d locker....came back from d toilet n got rai's blade....atlast!...den we walked to d chalet there...juz for fun....story to them n all...so much to update them on...but at 6, we went home....didnt take long for my mom to call me...haizzzz.....my dad called me pekak.....n i cried coz of that coz..like what they say "what u say to ur children/fren is like a prayer for them"....so its like....sheeeeeeesh....
today-BORED!!!!!!!! dad was at home, mom went to johore...i woke up crying coz i wanted to go n she didnt bring me along....felt i was being leftout.....watched some vcds....played a lame game of badminton n then....hogged in front of the comp......i so hate myself.....haiz...r u bored? i am bored.....so lets stop here....happy holidays! =D
another piece of me written down....yes...today....went out with mom n nabil(my lil bro)....bought fruits n flowers for my bro gona-be-fiance...then went home...i slept for awhile....headache.....normal stuff...an everyday thing...so i must have a nap to recharge....understand me? nope? suits u.
from 5 onwards, its cleaning for me...swept the house....broom in my hand the whole evening....n somehow, arrangin the shoe in the shoerack is a ritual for me once in awhile....haizzz....i hvnt realli had a proper meal today....just cleanin n groceries shopping for me...i guess that is why i had a headache....nothin much happened to day...so...yah....tmr's THE big day...somehow i feel the wrong person is busy for now....i thought the person gettin engaged should be busy in planning all the stuffs, ATLEAST help in the cleaning n all...but NO! he made more mess n didnt help in a single thing except for providing money for the stuffs...its like...money? no work? i feel its useless....i guess that is why my 2nd bro isnt really into helping...the wrong person is busy....
another piece of me written down....hey hey! i MEAN!!!!!!! i'm SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO MEAAAAAAAAAN! omiGOOOOOOD! FARIIIIIDAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!! how could you?! can't believe i'm so damn f*ckin EVVVIIILLLLL!!! wooohoooooooooo.....i'm gonna let my heart out loud...unless u want me to vent my anger in some other way, talk to me....make friends with me....and unless i see u're a good person, with no strings attached, then i'll know u as a friend....if better, good friends....somehow, i see...some people make friends for the wrong reasons...they MUST HAVE some strings attached....or else..OUT!! YOU'RE OUT!! outta ma league....haizzz....maybe i'm the one with sooo many criterias, expectations...i don't realize it on my own.....OMIGOD!@! anyway, i've vented one to who-knows-who.....and hopefully the person gets the idea....WOW! i feel sooooooooooo gooooood.....hahax! so proud of myself....sometimes, we have to do this kind off things to get it out of our chests.....let out our true colours....anyway....gtg...gotta clean the hse....2 more days....AHHHHH!!! BYEEEE!!!
another piece of me written down....arrghhhh...my neck hurts....it started just now....damnnnn.....must stop my habit...it sucks man....arrggghhh....kay....haizz!
gosh....i neeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeed to relax....i neeeeeeeeeeeeeeed a time out..not the chocolate larh.........n i'm begining to get ideas of making dialogues out of stuffs...like pain in d neck, backstab n all that bitchy stuff...WOW! so bitchy of me! i'm being lame larr but..haiz.....i guess reverse psychology is a way to help reduce stress...but hey, different ppl have different ways of releasing stress ya...i neeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeed to go to the beach...wanna join me...hurhur...for what I know, ppl in class wont join me...they rather go shopping n all than go to d beach...its like this...
"hey, u wan to go to the beach?"
"huh? the beach? dowan lah...so boring..."
ticks me off everytime...that's why i wont ask ppl to go anywhere anymore...but, on the other hand, i dowan to be a dog or a bull...being pulled everywhere...eee....dowan lah....i'd rather go there myself....what i know is, the ppl outside my class would think the idea is good...maybe its becoz they hv not been there n like have real fun...well, i did....n it was great! eventhou my butt got hurt! hahax....n its like we don't have to be perfect ALLL the time right? FACT IS: we're s'poreans, we talk SINGLISH. even foreigners schooling here talks SINGLISH. so why not make a few mistakes here n there...we don't have to pronounce the words like what they do in britain or australia or watsoever...we HAVE our own identity....pls lah....laughing at my little mistakes is like stupid when u don't even notice YOUR OWN mistakes...so what if i make an extra few pronounciations in a word, it doesnt make any difference in the meaning...yeap...it doesnt...n for the fact thati'm s'porean, WE'RE singaporean, it doesnt....so, dont laugh at other ppl's mistakes when u, urself dont even notice YOUR OWN mistakes yeah.....
yes...i've let it out...this is at random ya...so, if u're bitten or watsoever, hope u repent or something...but...whatever! i don't care...hmm....errr....ya...today i see some of my friends happy n bubbly...maybe becoz of something that happened yesterday..hahax......my buddy....is great! yeap...i like the angel buddy thing...can't wait for the next angel buddy term tingy...watever it is called....HYAHAHAH....hopefully i can make a good buddy...like my last one...heehee....coz my angel...not very friendly at all....a few msgs only...n i know the person....=/.....hopefully my angel is going to be friendly too.....=P..haiz....these few days are goin to be hectic man! i'm going to be cleanin the hse like dunowat......hmph...so maybe i'd be bloggin on sunday....AH!!!!!!!!!! cant wait...only thing is, my best cuzzy isnt coming! hopefully she is coming....miss her like CRAYZAY! hmph....haiz....i should stop here or else....i'm gonna brag...tuduluz`!
another piece of me written down....suck up lah today.....AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! i'm having that feeling again...shittttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttt....gosh!
rightttt....today, for chem n maths, everything went on smoothly...i just didn't care about anything around me...i wasn't bothered enuf to care...sor made me, jun, jose n herself sandwiches...tuna...errr? my comments? ok lah...canned food...u know....err..yaa..i'm not used to canned food.....so....ya...is that bad? i hope it isnt...ANYway...after much consideration and toleration, i've decided to msg him...tell him to reduce vugariting around....but hey! who knew he wasnt offended....and at last...blahblahblah..............tings went on extra smoothly today..kinda happy actually ESPECIALLY when i went out shopping for
CHOCOLATES!!!!! yeahhhhh..yumyum...its for my eldest bro going-to-be fiance....hehe...they're going to get enggaged...woohooo...many ppl in my hse...HAVOC!!!!!!!!! both myself tshirts from giordano..to wear on sunday....heehee...had 'dinner' at burger king at marine parade...and guess what?!! this guy actually went to like walk pass my place...i guess he wanted to like 'get to know me' or sumthin BUT becoz my mom was there, he didnt...LIKE REALLLLL....but who knows right? coz i think he was
mezmerized by my
beauty and
sweetness he actually went clumsy in front of me...HAHA.....i'm being lame lah...nothing like this would ever happen to me....never...it's just a typical story from a storybook....before i met my mom to go groceries shoppin, i went to the lib...read a pri 4 book...talked abt a girl going head over heels for this guy but her admirer is just right in front of her...yeap....her best friend...a guy lahh...a girls-go-gaga guy....WOW! wonder....wonder....i think i should get a best friend who is a one n end up like this story...cool huh....n through that also i'd get to know him way better than other girls...its like...i'm his girl but not yet his girl....arh, don't get my hopes up high too much or i might disappoint myself....hmph...*sigh*....and coincidentally...i msged a fren who used to but i guess still can forget me...AHHHH...suck arh......i'm like...oh shit....after what i did....haizz....what to do...what to do...maybe i should go talk to him....ya...talk things out...make it clear....must pluck up the courage or else i won't be able to talk to him anymore.....................haizzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz...
another piece of me written down....right...suddenly i feel like bloggin....yap...my boring life.....heeeheeee so here goes..
a few days ago i didnt feel like talking...i was having my pms...n i was begining to feel self-concious....y? i duno...sumhow i just felt some ppl talking about me behind my back...i loathe that so much...ya....somehow i felt my ear was sinning....is there sucha word? hmm....n sumhow i also feel that boys are naive...they fall for d opposite sex quickly...the only thing we girls should do is just go out with them in couples and just talk....yep...sweet talk....make friends...n just talk....hmm...n how ppl can really avoid u like u're dirty and make u so insulted like f*ck...suck up lah these ppl...i guess these are the reasons y i kept to myself these few days....yeap....n how ppl can backstab u like...
i got this from a tv show...
"OUCH! my back's hurt.....""y? what happened?""because YOU influenced them from me! u make them go against me!"hhmmmm......interesting huh....but anyway....pms's gone, my lil bro is back n i'm happy...all i know is in life, we go through the waves.....like sea water....n yah...i've said this looong time ago but maybe some ppl didnt get it....
i am a bitch! n there's nothing u can do....and one more....sumthing mrs tan said to sum ppl...."
if u can't chg the environment, u chg urself." it made sum ppl speechless...way the go mrs tan....love how u make ppl quiet....n yes...there's another thing that made me think for a few days...braggers....yah..those who brag....suck up lah...think the whole world must know what u have is it? y dont u go up the spaceship n tell the whole universe?! freaks........hmmm...what else...and sometimes its not ur fault, it's the other person's fault...so don't feel sad....and don't fall into the trap....;)