Tuesday, November 30, 2004
another piece of me written down....
the other day, i blogged that i had a terrible headache. now this bugs me alot...i would like to ask myself, "how am i feeling?","am i alright?","will anything happen?". yeap..this are the questions...i've read in the newspapers that aving a terrible migrain is one of the signs to stroke, wild imagination i suppose. but the other signs are numbness on the other parts of my body...if this will ever happen, what will really happen? the migraine was totally excruciating...painful, very. and noone cares. its like, "oh, u've got a headache? oh, ok then." what the hell....fine then...had more than 10 hrs of sleep after that painful migrain...from 11 to 5 the next day..count for me....i cant count...hmph...should i ever care about myself? its like, noone cares, y should i? now i feel better...i get it y some ppl keeps quiet when being rejected...unlike CJ....who wudn't expect such a thing happen..but you know what? i hate it when that happens...really...its like- "u wanna come? no? fine then. bye." i hate hate that. but who cares right? who cares...
another piece of me written down....
jyss and gang are going out this friday...should i follow when none actually asked me to follow? surprised me when nasri asked me thou but, should i? hmm.....should i? oryte....should i blog this up? or might this end up scaring/hurting anyone? this scares me....hmph...i need a person to talk to..that person is usually there when i needed to talk....yep...use the initial eyh, how about CJ? u should know who you are! CJ wanted me to come, begged, even sent me an invitation email...sorta laughed when i recieved it...kinda flattering u know....yeap...CJ really wanted me to come...as in really...but to me, its kinda awkward...nasri told me, he invited me but i rejected. since i'm a kepo girl, i asked CJ...farnie....CJ asked me whether i'm comin and whatsoever...nice of CJ but...hmmm.....who would have known a person like CJ would be this kind/flattering...or should i say i get flattered easily except i sumtimes don't show it...talking about CJ, i wonder how TJ is doing, n no...its not the s'pore TJ it the Australia TJ, from Adelaide...hmm....i wonder what name she will give....hmmmmmmmmmmmm.....my feelings are not yet out....must keep it low...keep it pn the low profile...thats me. dun ask y.. just me.
another piece of me written down....
Everlasting love.
Hearts gone astray
Keeping up when they go
I went away
Just when you needed me so
You won't regret
I'll come back begging you
Don't you forget
Welcome love we once knew
YeahOpen up your eyes
Then you'll realize
Here I said was my
Everlasting love
Need you by my side
Come and be my pride
You'll never be denied
Everlasting love
From the very start
Open up your heart
Feel the love you've got
Everlasting love
Sunday, November 28, 2004
another piece of me written down....
hey hey hey....came back frm johore this morning...terrible headache...went to Ngee Ann civic plaza to watch my lil bro perform for the charity concert...carey chong and otelli edwards were there....the dancers were great...cute too....specialll......went grocery shopping yesterday at johore...slept at our house...watch a show about a cat which turned into a lady....bacame a journalist's secretary and at the same time, could talk to cats....human & catty...Maklong didnt come...the day/night kids came...u know why i call them that? coz of their names....starting from the 1st, Sinaran, cahaya, suria, purnama, kejora...nice names...hehex....went out during hari raya with my frenz...i'm gonna post sum grp photo's here...buat kenangan.....heeheee...
1st outing, 19/11/04, with the 3/5 boys, yas, leen and sal.
us girls on the staircase, heehee...cool pic...
where's aidil?! hehe....every single one of us...yeah...
2nd outing, 22/11/04, with the boys from 3/1-3/4....i forgot to bring my cam until they visited my hse...so..yah... onli 1 pic...i was damn late! miss 3 hses...=(
at azila's hse...the one bside adam, wearing blue...
3rd outing, 25/11/04, with my madrasah frenz, funneyyyy! i was late...woops!
at ainaa's hse, kinda cool....hehe...from left to right, starting from the top; ainaa, hidahny, ME!, linda, najihah n syazwani! yeap...my best buds...
at syazwani's hse...had to wait for the rain to stop!
at ustazah sutina's hse...she juz got married last year! wow.....she's in grey...kinda funny coz she hit her leg on the chair when rushing back to her seat...we used the timer......fun!
find the common...yeap..
Wednesday, November 24, 2004
another piece of me written down....
hyelo dear bloggy! soooo looong have not been blogging......about a month? or more....hahax...wellwellwelll...here goes...
the month of ramadan...seems like a week...hahax...the night of hari raya was unexpecting...2 am seems to be like 10pm...hahax....1st day of hari raya, went to all houses...seems very little thou....no doubt about it...the rest has gone to the place up there....miss those old times....the 2nd day, went to my father's side...finished almost every house...erm...kinda fun...but whatever...erm....third day.....what did i do? nothing? erm....went to mcc....went to remedial....hmmmm.....went out on friday with the girls n the 3/5 boys...sucks i tell u..they suck! suck up.....on sat, open house....shitty! practically NOONE came....but mdm salenah's n mr toh's kids were cute! yeah...i said shit loudly....like SHITTTTTTTTTTTT....yah...hahax...still hvnt start on my hw yet....shit....den on sunday, went out with my cuzzies....FUN! syafinaz was kinda sick...more to tired....i was pissed of with my older cuzens.....at cik jabar's hse, had fun with hiqmah! yeah....so cuteee....big eyeball girll.....her face so round...her family came to my hse jus now...hahax....how excited she was when i came near her....hahx....on monday, went out with the girls n the 3/1-3/4 boys....me n nasri was late...coz of the amaths remedial..shitz...den, after our 1st hse, nasri went home...feeling outcasted i guess...alloftheboys didnt talk to him...my gawd...made a new fren...azila's her name...sweet's her game...hahax....sweet n alim...hehex....erm.....the trip was fast...yeap...tkde hegeh-hegeh...great....the next day, went to mcc....didnt follow my pri sch frenz...i fell sick...ergh....they came to my hse n i didnt even go see them...i heard many voices thou....hahax....anyway....yah...sorry gals....so today, watched amazing race! my god...the old couple is sooo sweeet....hahax...kkk...last min outing again tmr....i hate the last min outing tingy....sheeesh...thot of sleeping the whole day tmr....sheeeeeettt.....
Wednesday, November 10, 2004
another piece of me written down....
tujg vjgcfbfdkjsafhaksl fkasfhkas fhdskaf jdsaf asjkf aksfhsaj kfbsak ashbf gsak gksfa ksfgsdkajf skfbaksfksdfbakfbsdakfbkasj RARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
i can't believe my eyes. they actually think I hate them. haiz. yeah. no doubt so that they'll think it was me coz i once had a grudge against them. but....haiz....i think its bcoz...that person go use my past-time favourite thing; alien. and since my email has an alien word in it, therefore they judge it that way. i've barely tagged on their board. but what the heck ey. what i'm for sure is that i did no nonsence to them before. haizzzz....life. why is life so unfair?! life is so dumb. i'm dumb..ergh....i've forgotten to be optimistic. i've forgotten many things in life that makes me happy. haiz.....
i don't want to lose you...i don't want to let go....u mean so much to me...
Her feeling she hides
Her dream she can't find
She's losing her mind
She's fallen behind
She can't find her place
She's losing her faith
She's fallen from grace
She's all over the place
Tuesday, November 09, 2004
LEAVE! GET OUT! GO AWAY! LEAVE ME ALONE! just leave me alone. i want a happy life. no problems. nothing. just happy all the way. might seem boring. but its my dream. my fantasy. cik yem, nape pergi tak ajak skali?". to joseph, i know i know, stop being pessimistic, but how? show me how...i've forgotten. i've lost the word happy somewhere. help me find it... help me get it back from my world of silence and sadness. relieve me from the negativity. help me find my right path. help me stop pretending. help. this is what i'm saying. i want to shout. i want to step out of all the things i've failed to do. be like those know-it-alls... do everything easily. with no fear of failing. if you know how i feel, you'll know how i feel. i'm so damn angry about myself. i'm such a bad person. so.....bad. i'm the worst of the worst. its so dark. ergh. ergh. freaking shits shitty pieces of mad people. FREEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAKKKKK you shit. y must you bug me? y? y?? Y!?!?? %!#^&%&$&^%*$%&#& %$$%^^&%&*
-----------------------------------------
Are you stuck inside a world you hate? yes.
Are you sick of everyone around? yes.
With the big fake smiles and stupid lies,
while deep inside your bleeding? yes.
-----------------------------------------
I won't forget all the ones that I love.
I've gotta take a risk, take a chance,
Make a change, and break away.
i have be left alone. leave me alone. don't ask why. i'm too tired to talk. many of you have changed my life. i just want to say Thank you for doing so. Thank you for waking me up. Sorry i'm such an ass, such a brat,such a useless lazy piece of shit. i'm sorry. thats all i can say. ergh.
sorry....
another piece of me written down....
now me n my 2nd bro is watching thirteen ghosts, something i've watched before but never from the begining. ergh. i feel so tired. so damn tired these few days. cry, everytime someone in MY house says those hurtful words. freak. erghhhh. i just want to SHOUT OUT LOUD. really let my feelings out. really release myself from all this torment. alot has been going on in my house. i see everyone as my enemy. everyone don't understand. everyone this high of me. something i can't take. call me things i'm not really am, making me think that is what i am. it might not be hurtful to you guys but it is to me. it is too hurtful to me. i cry and my mom, my family members don't give a damn. i need somewhere, someone to really really talk to. to really really relieve my stress. but to whom should i turn to. to whom should i tell? i don't want anyone to think i'm a problemetic girl. i guess that is something true about me. i've made myself realise things. i've tortured myself alot. my mom just think i'm having pms or something. hurh. make me vomit, make me kill myself. i'd rather leave than stay.
to you,
sorry i've kept myself quiet these few days. i'm sorry coz i've not been myself.
Sunday, November 07, 2004
another piece of me written down....
my reflections for this ramadan..alot has happened during this fasting month. alot of tears has been wept. depression has been tasted. learnt things about myself. realized many things about myself. wept about my results, wept about how stupid i've been, how useless i am to this world, how i am at fault at everything and more...i realised how tired and miserable i am this ramadan. how i've realised everyone hates me, which makes me hate them. even my family members, especially them. abg din has been kind, too kind in fact. my mom also tried to be nice. the dinner with the Goh family was great! they were very friendly. 1st time i had dinner with my best fren's family (minus her bro) in a very posh place. wow. i definitely hate my sis. starting to hate my lil bro as well. my father was trying to be understandable. my eldest bro..no comments. my friends are great. He is great. really. after all i've done, he still accepts me. <3. i can't count how looong i've slept at home. countless of hours. erm..what else..i've got a new number. yes. i guess its because my mom wants an easier way to contact me. hohoho. i wonder how this year's HRA will be like. usually it like this, you go in the house, eat something, shake hands, and out you go. provided if you're very talkative, then you talk. if not, keep your mouth shut. i've learnt to keep my comments to myself. o yeah. mdm marlinah's $10! for the t-shirt. hmmm.......
Tuesday, November 02, 2004
another piece of me written down....
hyelo. damned damned lethargic today. went to the chalet yesterday. quite fun/boring. choose one. fetched my lil bro frm sch, visited my granpa awhile since it was raining cats & dogs then went back home. talked to nasri about when to meet only to find out he was going 15 mins later. WTH! called jun, but noone picked up. so i met nasri. took me forever to wait for the bus! like duhh, i was late. nasri could recognize me! waaahhh. i wore a scarf/tudong FYI. then, me n nasri went to pasir ris. he commented about my outfit. like hello~ i only had 15 mins to dress up! sheesh. he's going for girls who wear tudong's now. waaah. he himself wear the MAT outfit. sheeesh. i walked behind him. NOT beside him. don't want to be seen by anyone as a couple. met up josey, elim, lidya, jackson, favien and bernard at the MRT station. Josey looked surprised. kept asking me why i wore it. hahax. figure out yourself. went to the chalet by taxi. ALOHA! reached there, waited for mr lee, but we decided to put our things first. the chalet is BIG. wow. darren dyed his hair! shitto. i wanted to. nevermind. anyway, everyone started packing out. checked for the stuffs. many were in the kitchen so i was kicked out by darren. FINE! sat down and think. never knew nasri was a houseman. damn neat sia he. cleaned the sink, arrange the foodstuffs and such. WAO. the boys played the PS2. we girls, did nothing. blasted out loud music. mr lee came, mr lee left. just said hello, how are you to me. hmph. like i want to reply. so, i cleaned the grill. dirtied my shirt. no harm in doing so. darren is such an asshole. ergh. josey looks good with his hair all spiked. nice. clement and jackson were stucked in front of the tv, playing the PS2. typical. then,wei jian came, then dun ang & lena came. wahhhh. nice. so the couplely. then we started to work. boiled the eggs and potatoes, cut them, smash them and whatever you want to do. did the salad. hahax. saranpal and gang came. got redi for breaking fast! so excited. jyss and the other guys were in the room. suspicious. so, yah. i break fast with a cup of milk. then ate something. mdm ho came next. we sat down while waiting for the rain to stop. waited for mdm ho and the people to come back coz they went out to buy something. at last the bbq started. found out clement was a good chicken bbqer. Clement's Chicken Wings(CC wings). hahax. josey came saying this phrase "that's the ying and yang of life" while clement said "with me cooking the chicken and you fanning me, we can make good chicken wings" and "to get good chickens, you need patience". hahax. nasri is good at cooking the otahs. we ate. we laughed. then me, elim, bernard, favien and wei jian had to go home. wei jian was called out bcoz he left his umbrella and WHAM went the water bomb. in it contains flour, water and some colourings. so that was what they were doing. mdm ho's car was the victim of one of the bombs. josey, full of it. then i went home. slept. Done.