another piece of me written down....
Welcome to my life. -Simple Plan.
Do you ever feel like breaking down?
Do you ever feel out of place,
Like some how you just don’t belong,
And no one understands you?
Do you ever want to run away?
Do you lock yourself in your room?
With the radio on turned up so loud,
That no one hears you screaming?
No, you don’t know what it’s like,
When nothing feels alright,
You don’t know what it’s like,
To be like me!
To be hurt, to feel lost,
To be left out in the dark,
To be kicked, when you’re down,
To feel like you’ve been pushed around,
To be on the edge of breaking down,
When no one’s there to save you,
No you don’t know what it’s like,
Welcome to my life
Do you want to be somebody else?
Are you sick of feeling so left out?
Are you desperate to find something more,
Before your life is over?
Are you stuck inside a world you hate?
Are you sick of everyone around?
With the big fake smiles and stupid lies,
While deep inside you’re bleeding?
No you don’t know what it’s like,
When nothing feels alright,
You don’t know what it’s like,
To be like me!
To be hurt, to feel lost,
To be left out in the dark,
To be kicked, when you’re down,
To feel like you’ve been pushed around,
To be on the edge of breaking down,
When no one’s there to save you,
No you don’t know what it’s like,
Welcome to my life
No one ever lies straight to your face!
No one ever stabs you in the back!
You might think I’m happy,
But I’m not gonna be okay!
Everybody always gave you what you wanted!
You never had to work, it was always there!
You don’t know what it’s like (what it’s like)…
To be hurt, to feel lost,
To be left out in the dark,
To be kicked, when you’re down,
To feel like you’ve been pushed around,
To be on the edge of breaking down,
When no one’s there to save you,
No you don’t know what it’s like,
To be hurt, to feel lost,
To be left out in the dark,
To be kicked, when you’re down,
To feel like you’ve been pushed around,
To be on the edge of breaking down,
When no one’s there to save you,
No you don’t know what it’s like,
Welcome to my life
Welcome to my life!
Welcome to my life!
another piece of me written down....
hyelozzz...lately i'm not dat good...emotionally....duno y...mayb coz of mood swings? but it hurts me to realize i'm slow n stupid....yah.....n it also hurts me when my sis tells me to get married young...wat's up wif her?! so what if i'm on the comp...if you think you are so hardworking then go help mom instead! bloody fool! fine! one more thing that upsets me is darren. yes. darren. suprising isn't it? a very clever guy disturbing a very stupid girl. huh! he's reactions are very violent. and now, i hide in front of jyss because hiding behind doesn't work. he beats me like nobody's business! what the hell!! ok fine! i will not taunt that guy anymore. huh! anyway something very disgusting happened just now. eric of sec 4D sat bside me in the bus. something i did not appreciate at all. he put his arms around me 3 times. laughed, then put his hp on my bag..i was like ?????????? what the hell.....went home taking the different route because i was afraid they would follow me coz they went down the same bus stop as me...they as in eric and gang. so damn pissed but whatever it is, i heck care. as long as i'm safe. haizz. anyway, gtg now. must go study.
msg to dear- i miss u soo much dear..=(
dear friend,
Did you know???
Did you know that when you
envy someone, it's because you really
like that person?
Did you know that those who appear to be
very strong in heart, are
real weaklings and most succeptible?
Did you know that those who
spend their time protecting others are the ones that really
need some one to protect them?
Did you know that the three most difficult things to say are :
I love you,Sorry and Help me.
The people who say these are those that actually need them or really feel them, and they are the ones you really need to treasure, because they have said them.
Did you know that people who occupy themselves by keeping others company or helping others are the ones that actually need your company and help?
Did you know that those who dress in
red are more confident in themselves?
Did you know that those who dress in
yellow are those that enjoy thier beauty?
Did you know that those who dress in
black, are those who want to be unnoticed and need your help and understanding?
Did you know that when you help someone, the help is returned in two folds?
Did you know that those who need more of you are those that did not mention it to you?
Did you know that it's easier to say what you feel in writting than saying it to someone in the face?
But did you know that it has more value when you say it in the face?
Did you know that what is most difficult for you to say or do is much more valuable than anything that is valuable that you can buy with money?
Did you know that if you ask for something in faith, your wishes are granted?
Did you know that you can make your dreams come true, like falling in love, becoming rich, staying
healthy, if you ask for it by faith, and if you really knew, you'd be surprised by what you could do.But don't believe everything I tell you, until you try it for yourself , if you know someone that is in need of something that I mentioned of,and you know that you can help,you'll see that it will be returned in two folds.
DID YOU KNOW THAT YOU COULD ALWAYS COUNT ON ME???... AT THE MOMENT, TIME AND PLACE THAT YOU NEED ME, CALL ME, I WILL BE THERE WITH YOU !!!!!
"
One day, we mad people will change the world...or we are already changing it"
THE BALL IS NOW IN YOUR COURT... If the world were to end in 24 hours, all the phone lines, chat rooms and email will be saturated from people sending messages to others, saying:
"I regret having made you feel bad", "Pardon me", "I love you", "I hold you in high esteem", take good care of yourself" and sometimes "I have always loved you, only I never told you".
another piece of me written down....
hyelo.....came back a few mins ago...i think...yeah...in d morning, so damn pissed...i supposed it was my bros who ate d whole big bar of chocolate dat i bought...fuck sia....den, i cudnt find my mcc t-shirt...wat d hell....at last i used my topaz t-shirt...went to sch, met up wif kamilia on the way...she was at d void deck wif her frens...walked around...nothing....no one...nobody...xcept for other people...other cca members...we went out of sch awhile n met up wif mazlin & all...haizz...den, we relax awhile...in front of the fan...hahax....den mr osman came...he told us abt a couple romancing in front of him, he turned & farted at them....eeewww....sux sia...eeeww....so we started practicing...chim sia d steps...den...we got 10-15mins break...actualie 5 mins..but bcoz d tuckshop was closed, so izza n wani went out to 'run some errands'....me weder, sal, n mazlin...n khai...relaxed in front of the fan...drank water...ate curry puffs...we were supposed to wake mr osman up at 1.35 but..hax...he woke up by himself.....we practiced our syf steps den listened to him speak. he told us about the NUS concert. he wanted us to go. buy 10 tickets get 2 tickets free. wow! anyway, me, sal & weder was wondering where should we go next. in the end, we went to long john to make up our minds. walked there. talked, talked & talked. at long john, we bought the new meal thing. it wasn't that nice. its very empty. in the end, we went to esplanade. whose idea was it? me! yep, me! hehex. still remember that very particular date. =D anyway, we went there. saw siddiq and his friends. they suck suck suck to the core! anyway, topped up for salihah's fare. see how nice i am! we went to city link. went into almost all the gift shops. everything was oh so nice. the cards, the photo frames, the clothes. everything. wow! after that we went to esplanade. walked walked walked. sat down. took pics using sal's hp. oh so nice. i was thinking of
him. heehee. esplanade n him. =P we walked to the merlion. sat beside the merlion, near the waters. my sandals were wet! we walked to the toilet. it was beautiful. sal took pics of the signs. got nothing to do is it?! hahax. then, we walked walked walked. took the mrt home. it was crowded. we took pics in the mrt. i guess some of the commuters are irritated. sorry! i apologise. a lil boy pull my leg. sheeesh. my mom didn't scold me for going to esplanade. but she scolds me for going to orchard. errr? hehex. shall go there again ssooonn ya! ;P
how come she gets all d comfort talks? how come i don't? i guess i shuld noe y...its bcoz i caused all d disappointment, all d upset, all the tears....its bcoz of me there's been so many misunderstandings, so many conflicts, so many heartbreaks...its all bcoz of me! ME u see....if its not bcoz of me, nothing like this wud hav happen...no anger, no tantrums, no dissatisfactions..everything is bcoz of me...atleast she has her grp to fall back to...she has her clique of new bestfrens...she has ppl to share her problems wif....she has her clique's shoulders to cry on to...they'll give her comfort words, encouragement...me? i don't...not that i don't but i can't go sharing my problems wif ppl i juz get to know, just get to be wif......i onli let out my feelings, my emotions, here..in this blog...n when i do, there will sure be consequences...now ppl know me as a bitch hu does not appreciates her frenship...i appreciate it alot okay...i appreciate it so much...i guess i'm so damn selfish n think abt myself too much that this small chg made me too over-reacting...i hate letting my feelings out....she might think she was d onli one crying in front of the comp...but wat abt me? i've been crying alot these few days...mayb its juz a few drops...but i cant even remember when i started crying...n noones there to comfort me...everyone goes to her...its like i'm left alone...noone knows i've been crying unless they read my oh-so beautiful blog...its always like dat now...n when they do, when they know abt it...i duno wat they do next...mayb there has been so many talking abt me now....behind my back...its nowonder i've been in this situation for so long...i get so disturbed so fast...so damn fast...reaction? over-react...i feel so alone....so...by myself...all d emotions has been penting up for so loong...mayb coz i dun tell ppl i'm hurt or i'm upset...but they can see...i hope...mayb i dont show it...mayb bcoz i'm good at pretending in not feeling upset....mayb i smile too much...like wat Tarren said....i smile too much..but hu am i to lean on when i've got problems? i dun ppl to think they are a counsellor towards me...if i were to go to her....how wud she feel? if i were to go to josey...how wud he react?...i feel so confused...help me.....help me......=(
another piece of me written down....
hye......how are u? fine? great! here goes my crap again...aniwae...i kinda 'blew up' today....mayb i'm not yet 'healed' after yesterday...haizz....went out wif my mom, my lil bro, my aunt aka Maklong...went to eat at bedok int...shitty pieces of shits....how dare u laugh at my bro!...go to hell lah fuckers...sial sak...i ate sumting...my bro...hmph!..nak ni lah, nak tu lah...so damn manje sak...talked to this old chinese lady...she said "dulu, kakak jage adek ah....skarang kakak buli adek"...which means last time, d older sister takes care of d younger siblings, now, d older sister bullies d younger sibling....haizz....den we went to Giant...gosh d place is damn crowded...its erm..kinda big i guess...we looked around, we took some things, we bought some things...my ustazah was there! shit...damn tired...den...wanted to go home but we went back coz coincidentally, my uncle was there...so..yah....went back...i bought some xtra stuffs...chocolates..den it all happened...suddenly i got so pissed wif my bro...i pinched his tummy...owww!....coz he didnt want to carry anything...lame ryte?...yes...but....ergh!...watever..aniwae...got kinda pissed coz my bro kinda got watever he wants....ergh!....bought stuff frm kfc...den went to ntuc...dats where i found out my mom hvnt pay my bills yet..fuck....not again....looked for my bro...den we went to my granny's hse...on d way there, i got so damn pissed wif my bro...he carried nothing!...n i had to carry loads...bloody hell...reached my granny's house, i didnt let my bro in d hse...locked him outside...den he cried!! wad d hell...k...den in d hse, i argue wif him...d tv...den u noe wat happen? my mom threathened me! scolded me! got angry at me! siak je....den ya....i got so damn upset....u've guessed it, i cried..like nobody's business....ya....den i slept awhile....calmed myself down...didnt go home wif my mom..instead i was still sleeping when they went home...biarkan! suro die bwkkan ah! asek aku je! pi lah!.....i woke up, got my 7 bucks frm my sis den went home..i walked home..walked slowly....think think think alot....y am i so dumb? wondered if she's gonna tell my dad my 'oh-so good' behaviour today...ergh....at home...did nothing....wow...great...
another piece of me written down....
to you, if u ever find this...
some of the msgs in my blog were nvr intended for u. it was for someone else. but u mistook it for u instead. its not that i'm angry at u or some sort. i'm jus...jealous..yes...jealousy is the name...somehow, the blog is guilty..y? sometimes u don't really know wat is the person's intentions...who is it for....n when u read it, its like...u think its abt u...well, no...that's not the way it goes..u noe me, my emotions totally go wild n i just write them down to relieve my stress..lately i've been very stressed out..not knowing hu to tell wat, when to tell hu..its like, whenever i want to talk to u..i think twice..u've got ur own grp...ur own frens, so i guess ur very busy wif them...nomore time for me.....i've been not wanting to go near u these few days, lately...i juz don't want to feel outsided, or d word that i've used, outcasted, coz, u've got so many many many grp names, none associated wif me....i feel so lonely whenever i'm around u all...n not when i'm ard my classmates...u guys talk ur own stuffs which i totally have no idea wat its abt..i onli get to know it thru d blog, ur blog, the 4bidden blog n hueverelses' blog there is..my jealousy runs so wild that i feel like crying...n when i write it down on, on this particular blog, u get all mixed up, all upset...i don't know wat to do...there's nomore fonecalls frm u animore, neither frm me to u, i guess...n when i call u, its seems like its at d wrong time...sumhow u're bz wif ur new bestfrens...i feel so neglected...i don't bother to write it down on or tell u coz i don't want to have conflicts wif u, i don't want u to get hurt at all, but mayb u can sense it...u noe when there is sumting wrong...early this yr, we're always going out together n such...but that suddenly detoriated..den d whole separation ting started...u all begin to hav a clique...it really really bothers me...d clique made me feel so outside...n ya...since i dont meet d criteria n such..when i let out my emotions in here, this very blog, we had conflict...after dat, everything was settled..but we begin to move apart..nomore this, nomore that..u, everthing u do is wif them, me, i dun know wat to do...i juz followed my class...i juz cudn't b bothered to hav animore conflicts wif u...so..ya...everthing went back to normal...so-called...but when i go to ur class, i juz stand/sit there, mayb talking..i guess usually i keep quiet..or mayb i talk abt me n my class...i guess none of u wanted to hear any of that....might as well keep my bloody mouth shut...den it started again...its like so often...i'm wif my classmates n u're wif ur clique...nothing we do seems to b done together animore..don't u realize that? its all my doing...i admit that...i'm so selfish...esp when it comes to how i feel...i'm sorry that i forgot abt the movie which i wanted or we wanted to go watch together...i didn want to let him down...i was too over 'depressed' at dat time...i cudnt remember anithing...i'm sorry k...n the part abt "my sorries are worthless", it wasnt meant for u...it was meant for sumone else...i guess now is too late....mayb to u nothing is too late....but when it happens, it happens...u can't turn back time...only if that cud happen..i want to go back to d beginning of d year...when nothing like dis was in mind...no cliques..eventhou u had d sweetness ting...mayb i'm d sour one...no doubt abt that, i'm always being pessimistic abt things...nothing gd comes to my mind, esp when i feel low...since i've watch dat movie, now u can go watch wif ur new bestfrens..no need to spend time wif me animore...this is juz how i feel these days okay...i'm sorry...
another piece of me written down....
hyelozzzz....kinda juz came home awhile ago...reached home, mom not home..phew!...dis is wat i did today, went to marine parade's popular n NTUC, went to josey's hse den went to watch a movie wif my honey dear...=D
oryte...at 10.28am i met jyss at d bustop..we reached at d same time...there were these guys, erm..sum gd looking, looking at me, pointing at me n all...i was like, WHAT D HELL?! aniwae, we waited for Tarren hu was 6 mins late..dat made us wait for d bus for nearly 20 mins. guys love to make us gerls wait, dont they? we went to marine parade's popular..gosh, i'm d ODD one out! i wore jeans, black long sleeve shirt, was short, a malay, wore sandals n d list goes on...one thig i knew i wasn't d odd one out was dat all 3 of us wore specs n of course we were frm d same class..hahax..we bought a bigggg cardboard, two stacks of cards, alotalotalot of pens, my stuffs, tarren's stuffs n jyss's stuffs...den we went to d NTUC, it was so damn big n erm, posh?..yep...we bought sum foodstuffs, bought some sushi as well...went to josey's hse...there, i went in 1st..kinda akward to go into a guy's hse w/out anione wif u...sheeesh!...as i was told, josey did put my sandals inside, on d shoe rack when i put it outside..so erm..ladylike?..houseman ah! i think he felt for it...i guess...tarren n jyss went in a few mins later..sat down, ate sushi, ate d chips, drank stuffs, surf d net, check mine n jyss's email, chatted awhile den we started on d project...mr matematician did d calculation on d board, jyss looked for d monoply sample board, i sorta played wif d cards n all...josey? d maid...he had to do this do that...pity him...his nick name?
Josephina! hahax..den i had to go off...sorry...=/ i still owe darren 4, jyss 1.80, josey? nothing i guess....aniwae, i made my way to d mrt station...oyah..
HITLER WAS VERY CUTE!!
met him at d MRT station...coincidentally he wore black as well...waa...hehe...den we went to TM to watch "the cinderella story"....fortunately, d queue wasnt long at all...yeay, i get to pay for sumting today..hehe..we walk2 to century n ard tm...saw sorida n her fren....at d theatre or d cinema, watever u call that...things happened...i shant elaborate but it was sweeeet! brings a smile to my face...d movie was sweeeeet as well...but halfway, he had a very bad cough...i know he wasnt cured enuf....felt so worried abt him...since my dad called during d movie, i'm like oshit..after dat, he insisnted on sending me home...i persist...hope u noe my intentions dear...:)...he kept insisting till i gave up...then, he got d msg....he finally let me go home by myself...i big girl redi...no need to be worried my dear...he gave me a ________ b4 i went down d train...=D...but i felt like crying b4 dat...stubborn guy...aniwae, i walked home slowly...observing ppl, cars, d place...sumting i wont be seeing soon...while walking, i had very deep thoughts...i guess blogging's not a good place to let out ur feelings...really...many has n will misunderstand it...which totally bothers me....really....i mean, d ting is, i'm not writing it to them, n they kinda 'reply' it...n not onli dat....sum will ask wats wrong wif me n all....not dat i dun like ah, but y must it b after i write it down then u realize there is sumting wrong? then u ask whether i'm okay or not. i guess it means dat u dont realize aniting abt me at all. u dont take note. well...thats fine wif me...but i hope when i let go of my emotions here, in this blog, u dont go asking "
Faridah, u okay or not? Is there anything wrong?" after i've post it, cause its too late...i take time to really think...really really think....aniways todays---->
Unforgettable!
another piece of me written down....
i feel as thou i'm always letting him down. sumting i promised not to do. wat must i do? say sorry? i dun think my sorries are worth it. too much sorries is worthless. i say sorries like i don't mean it animore. fuck. this isnt good. ergh. i feel so...i can't xplain how i feel. ergh. sensing d pissyness in his behaviour. this sucks alot. i know he's disappointed. very. shit. sumting's missing, i know. where is it? where? *sigh*
p/s-dont comment on this at all. i dun need comments, compliments, critics. n dont say aniting abt this to me. this is sumting I realized. so be it.
another piece of me written down....
hyelo. thought today wudnt be better but sumhow there's a twist. morning, didnt bother to go to 3/2. u noe y? coz i feel like a lamp post. there! i've let it out. nvr had anything to talk to them animore. lets face it. everything's change. i've shed tears for these past few days. i had a terrible headache today. all this bcoz i was feeling pressurized. feeling so stress these days. u miht realize some chges i've made lately, drastic chges. i mind, yes i do. but lests face it, we have to make chges sumtimes right? aniwae, back to today, we had cake during cme period, we had cake yesterday as well, coz ms choy was leaving. today's cake had chocolate in d middle of it. after a few minutes den i realized that. wat d hell. wanted to sabo mr lee but they dun wish to do so. den english, we had a debate. it was okay. i counter attacked. wow! o yah. jun cut her hair to sumting like weder's. hahax. pe, we won, but Taren swung d stick too high dat it hit kok hwa's nose. it bleed. alot. poor thing. maths, ms tan didnt come. but we had work to do. we didnt hand it in of course. we had to do the spring cleaning, nice. went to the assembly talk abt Girls' Right. makes sense. mrs/ms bridget was damn friendly. d way she talk interested me. d movie was okay. started to have headache. shit. went home. i was walking sidewards. fuck. didnt go out wif him today. decided to go tmr. coz he wasnt cured fully. n i had a terrible headache. on d way home, saw my mom n my lil bro. thank god! such a big help. went home after my mom bought some food. she forced me to eat. den i slept. woke up, still feeling giddy. its as thou, when i close my eyes, its not totally black, d left side is bright while d right side's dark. wat d hell. ergh. fuck larh. wat d hell. hate this. shit shit shit. i feel so suffocated. cant breathe well. i've been taking very deep breathes for these past few days. y? coz i'm stress. i feel like dying. no. i am dead. to d world. yes. i am. fun isnt it? life without me. nothing to care about. no extra person to think about. no extra person to take care. the thing is, i dun feel stress in class, rather outside class. everywhere i go, they're always there. sickening man. if there's one day i'll nvr get to see them in sch, it'll be great. really. i mean it. i shall stop here b4 i hurt ppl's feelings. goodbye.
Honestly Okay
Dido
I just want to feel safe in my own skin
I just want to be happy again
I just want to feel deep in my own world
But I'm so lonely
I don't even want to be with myself anymore
On a different day
If I was safe in my own skin
Then I wouldn't feel lost and so frightened
But this is today
And I'm lost in my own skin
And I'm so lonely
I don't even want to be with myself anymore
And I just say oh, oh
I feel, oh, oh
And I'm so lonely
I don't even want to be with myself anymore.
I just say oh, oh
And i'm so lonely
I feel oh, oh
I dont even want to be with myself anymore.
I just want to feel safe in my own skin
I just want to be happy again.
sucksucksucksucksucksucksucksucksucksucksucksucksucksucksucksucksucksucksucksucksuck
fuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuck
bloody fucking sucky days.
leave me alone.
another piece of me written down....
when i thought everything is out of hand and everyone is out of my reach, suddenly someone arrives, gives a listening ear and a helping hand.
today boring.
another piece of me written down....
hye peepz...its sucha a sucky day...u noe...i hav d suckies frenz sumtimes...n ya...my family sucks as well....was on d verge of crying in publi today coz i feel so damn sucky...ya...suck suck suck...hu cares rite?
just leave me alone.